May peace be upon you.
I hope you guys have been doing great since my previous post! It was only for a few days, but we all face our battles head on one day at a time, right? And we are all doing so well we deserve a bouquet of flowers and a meal at Aquamarine (hint hint to Mr Sunflower). Hehe #selit.
So I have written about my days before engagement, so on to pre-wedding we shall!
Alright, this is more exciting than the previous stage coz this time, it is fo’ real fo’ shizzle. God, who uses that slang now anyway. The date has been set (and reset like…twice?) in the month of Muharam (the parents understood this alhamdulillah), we are aware of the tasks we need to undertake (financially, spiritually, mentally) and we are finally actually working towards marriage instead of having what ifs and not confirmed yet what (this is more me, God Bless Firhan). Believe it or not guys, being the hopeless romantic that I am, I did not act like it. I guess God has Ensured that I remain pragmatic and not float away into the clouds. Coz like I have said time and again, nothing is solid yet. Not until the akad is done and we are legally husband and wife. What is happening now is the effort or ikhtiar towards something big and great, so let us not get too excited and forget the main purpose of what we are working hard for.
This was a war between my parents and I. God Forgive me. I wanted something that is less extravagant than my sister’s wedding. And by extravagant, I do not mean Tiffany chairs, chandeliers and the like. I meant, the moolah. The $$$ that flies out will need to be decent and ensure that we are not in debt at the end of it. Imagine if we start our marriage with debts, no less. What kind of barakah or Blessings would be in that union now? No doubt, my sister’s caterer had the best food, but the money that went out was best as well. Haha. But sorry, not a millionaire the last time I checked.
People had qualms about my choice. Some even said to split half and half with my parents ie. my parents fork out 50% and I, 50% as well. Excuse me? Do you even understand the situation I am in? For one, my parents are getting old. They have the money, yes, but that money is better spent elsewhere like their umrah or hajj or their old age, insya Allah ameen! Plus, my younger sisters are still young. They will need the support from my parents in any way possible, at least until I am capable enough to support them the way my parents have. I am definitely not going to be the one to use that money up for something as superficial as a wedding. I think I have more sense than that. Just pray for me, that one day when the time comes, I am able to help my parents with my younger sisters’ wedding and get the caterer they want. I want to make my parents happy but at the same time, never at the expense of my sisters’ and parents’ needs. Dilemma, guys, dilemma.
Yes, people are really a big nuisance sometimes. It is definitely easy for them to just say coz they are not the ones facing this situation that you are in. Just smile and walk away when they start to be perpetual warts. You do not need them. You know why you want the financially more desirable option. So believe in it, and work towards that. Ignore what everyone else has to say. At the end of the day, the one paying for it is you. The one who has to settle deposits and all is you. You are the one who will end up with your conscience stuffed so full you cannot sleep at night. Plus, the caterer that I picked received good reviews from couples and their families. Tawakkal and #gojedontscared.
Alhamdulillah, things kind of worked out pretty well (not without tears and tempers) and they got easier as time passes. Which goes to show that there is nothing as powerful as an earnest prayer, especially one uttered by mothers, fathers and even ourselves.
Truth be told, Firhan and I…we do not date as often as we’d like. There is literally little to no time to date. My schedule is pretty regular coz teaching/studying consist of consistent timetables/schedules. His on the other hand was masya Allah (he works shifts). Our dates consist of him fetching me from work/school, maybe go to a drive-through and get a cup of sundae to share and then straight home. There were a couple of times where I would ask my mother for an off day or two away from home so that Firhan could bring me to the zoo. I guess she saw how hard I had been working so she was more than alright to let me have my day of fun (and she knows I love the Zoo, River Safari and Sea Aquarium etc hehe). And from what I can remember, our dates to the movies or makan places always consist of the famous third wheel aka my youngest sister, Adila. Not that she dislikes tagging us around coz #freefood and #freerides. Plus, Firhan made it a point to meet my parents at the door after fetching me from wherever I was to let them know that he fetched me. Like I said, it is never good to keep secrets 😉
After Firhan started his work about a year ago, there is nothing that I dislike more than his shift calendar. God, that thing is a menace. Never mind how his shift works, but it is enough to say that whenever I am free, he is not and vice versa. We always get into arguments on this coz his off days do not mean that he can meet me. He has to rest, too. And at some points in time, I feel neglected (bahaha laugh, guys, I feel like a child). There are times where we would not meet for weeks on end and I would hear from him for 10-15 minutes at a time. But after all the heated discussions and some really good advice and slap-in-the-face from some our really, really masya Allah friends, I finally accepted the fact that Firhan is doing this for the future. I mean, he would have felt neglected, too. He would have realised and felt that we did not have that much quality communication, too. He would have had those busy days at work and had nobody to rant to coz I was sleeping earlier than he did. It was an eye opener for me, that what I have felt he must have, too. I was selfish, wasn’t I?
Plus, now we are both given new challenges to brave. Instead of working full-time as a teacher, I am now reading the Malay Language and Literature BA Programme at NIE/NTU. As for Firhan, his contract was supposed to end August 2018 and be emplaced on a permanent basis then. But God is Great, his supervisors seemed to believe that he is a very capable young man alhamdulillah. So they made him a permanent staff a year early. So we both figured that it was time for a change. It is pretty recent, guys, and has not been long. But we are both trying our best to be more understanding of the demands that pull the both of us from all sides, stretching us thin. Praises be to God, it is working out. Trust me, there are moments where I just want to #&$*@ but I figured, I want Firhan to be happier. And thankfully, I managed to stop myself in time (it was a lot of times, guys, be proud of me) before anything stupid happens.
The one I am proud of right now…of course me. Who would have thought that I was capable of being that mature?