May peace be upon you.
I hope you guys are doing great! I am doing great, too, alhamdulillah. Oh, of course. There are some hoohaas here and there, but what is life without them, right?
In this post, I wish to share with you guys about my experience with Firhan pre- and post-engagement/pre-wedding. Before I continue, let me just elaborate a little on why I always, always post about BGR/marriage etc. Firstly, let’s just say I am very passionate about this topic. Mainly because I realise that if I were to ask anyone about it, the replies I get are pretty much general and not what I need. So, I hope that by writing this, I am helping some of you out there who are in dilemma about certain topics and issues, and who knows insya Allah, I get to smooth out those wrinkles on your forehead for you? Plus, there have been some really nice and kind souls who have managed to see past my shortcomings and give me the motivation and encouragement to continue sharing (trust me, there are some mean ones who tell me directly that I am mean, sarcastic, harsh and that it applies only for me coz I have it easy). May Allah Bless you beautiful souls.
I am sharing what I share here in this blog coz I believe that I am not alone in this pursuit, and why not share what I know, right? I have managed to learn from those who have emailed me and responded to my blog posts, IG stories and posts. Have I told you guys that I love you guys?
OKAY DONE RAMBLING.
I may need to divide this into a couple of parts. We shall see how it goes.
Let me be honest with you. This was one of the toughest phases in my entire life. I will do my best to share as best as I can so that it is clear for all of you. If you have any questions, please do drop me and email or a DM! More than happy to be of help.
There was one point in time where I was really confident that Firhan was my soulmate. We are two different people from two different worlds but we somehow clicked. Of course, we had our fair share of arguments but our arguments made us grow. So I am so, so grateful for that. I had done my own research (by research, I mean stalking and digging up about him from people), I met him a couple of times to see just how he behaves in front of me without my family around (basically, remove mmm barriers and see things as it is) and spoke to my parents to get their thoughts on this. As far as I could see, my parents were more than alright. The only thing that made things difficult were his past and our friends.
Sometimes, up till today, I wished I had not asked a lot of people (too many, in fact) about him. Ignorance is bliss. And you know what they say, the young can be pretty silly sometimes. But then I thought, why hold it against him when he is trying his best to move on and be better? Of course, there were times when I had nagging thoughts in my head. I did not have any past relationships, I was not like that back then. Naturally, we would all be thinking about someone who is just like us – the same hobbies, the same temperaments, the same no-BGR history. In my own words, I was clean. No past records, nobody in the streets who would stare at me just coz I found a replacement.
To be honest, I struggled. I struggled a lot in trying to allow Firhan a clean slate as he enters my life. But then again, who am I to demand for all that? Allah Forgives us when we forget, so why can’t I do the same?
Of course, it took a lot of time. A little over a year, in fact, for me to be alright with the others. Coz I finally understood the fact that he chose me. He chose me to get engaged to, he chose my parents to ask for their daughter’s hand in marriage, he chose to work hard despite the odds to provide for a bright future for me. What more can I ask for?
My friends, or rather the people around me, gosh. I could probably write a long, dreadful post about them. But I shall not coz they do not deserve that much space in my blog, and I am over them anyway. I have finally accepted the fact that not everyone will be happy for me, not everyone will want the best for me, not everyone will understand the fact that whoever I choose to marry is first and foremost, an affair that only I, my parents and, ultimately, God can decide. Initially, I decided to keep it a secret coz I had always remained low key. Apparently, it was a bad thing coz it invites slander ie people have no idea so when they see us it invites a whole lot of mmm, gossip? I have no idea how that works coz even after we went not low key about it, there was still gossip going around (insert laughing emoji here). People can be so interesting, sometimes.
The other side to the ‘friends’ part is the fact that there are some who do not agree with my choice. You guys stay with me here okay. If you do not agree with something, in this case, my choice in a partner, you would tell me the reason why, right? I mean, I would coz I care about my friend. That is the logic that I think is quite obvious? So that he or she is aware of certain issues and is able to make a sound judgement at the end of it. I was left utterly bemused and confused and irritated, like seriously, what is going on here? I understand that they cared to some extent, but not enough to allow me the chance to figure things out on my own. It felt like my life can be decided by someone other than me.
After all that, I decided to go with my gut feeling (this is not without effort ya guys). Oh, of course there were tears here and there. But at the end of the day, what is there about Firhan not to love? The way he eats his fries (if you have eaten with him before you will get what I mean), the way he sleeps with his mouth open in the bus (God Bless him), the way he glares at me with his wide open eyes (scary as hell) when I want to do something which I know I am not supposed to (God Bless me, too), the way he is firm about something the minute he sees the bigger picture (I take quite a while, guys). These and more have grown on me.
He was not working then, but my parents agreed to him anyway (you can read about this here: He Was Unemployed). This I found super, super profound coz knowing my mom, it would have been impossible. But I guess Allah has more of His Plans coming, and us working towards our marriage is a part of it.
So, together with my parents’ blessings, of course I said yes.