Just A Little

May peace be upon you.

I am not sure whether this is going to be an intelligent post discussing about a topic worth reading but… I am a little worried. Just a little.

Alhamdulillah thumma alhamdulillah, I have been offered to resume my studies under two different sponsorships: MOE and Firhan Co. (yes, let me find humour in this otherwise depressing post).

Oh, do not get me wrong, please. I am so, so grateful for the chance to study again. I really am! Many would like to be given the chance to study further, which is why I will never take this for granted. But to many of you who have known me for a while, I have been independent since…eons ago. My parents are more than willing to support me any chance they get, but I have never been the most obedient child around. Stubborn. Hard-headed. Silly. Oh, you name it. I have been fiercely trying my best to cover my basic needs myself (bills, transport, shopping, food etc). When has shopping ever been under basic, Farizah? Oh well.

Anyhoo, I have always loved the fact that I never have to depend on anyone. I am independent, I thought. Well, good for me. After a while, reality sunk in.

I will not be earning.

Yupp, you read that right. I will not be earning and have $ creditted into my bank account and CPF like it has been for the past 4-5 years.  Like I said, please do not ever get me wrong. Alhamdulillah, anything school related will be borne by the ministry (on the conditions that I perform well and adhere to what needs to be adhered to) which means I need to focus only on my studies (dream come true, really, coz it makes me feel like a scholar).

But I cannot help the worries and concerns that flew into my mind like my parents, shopping, financial independence?

Well, my parents are totally cool about me not being able to continue giving them the monthly moolah. I am so grateful that they understand. Firhan’s parents are, too. Both sets of parents are super duper supportive and I can never be more glad.

And Firhan has voluntarily offered to give me shopping allowance (on top of my food and transport well I kind of coerced him into it hehe), so I can cross that out.

That last one though. That independence that I had hoped for. Skadush. I will need to bid goodbye to that, lower my ego -and finally be almost entirely independent on…someone else. I dislike that thought, I really do. It seems like a small matter, doesn’t it?

And that makes this post entirely worthless. #orisit

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