May peace be upon you.
I want to share about something that I believe is the outcome of hardcore tawakkal and Love. Firhan and I got engaged while he was still unemployed.
I do not know about you, but that came as a shock. If you knew my mother, you would understand why. My mother is pretty much the typical “must have degree”, “must have stable job”, “must provide for my daughter” kind of parent. Who can blame her, really. When I decided that I wanted to settle down with that man, I was a little worried to be honest. I was afraid my mother would not agree with him. Here are the reasons why.
He was unemployed at that time; he was still looking for a job. He does not have a degree (neither do I, actually). He could not provide for me. I figured all these would be more than enough for my mum to carve a cross into his face. Access denied.
Once, we had this conversation:
“What if we just got married?” “Kalau kita kahwin je?”
“What? I feed you with love, is it?” “Apa? I suap you dengan cinta je ke?”
But he was quite right, and I was glad he said that. It showed that he was mature enough to know that he was unable to provide for me. I personally know of some…boys who promise their girlfriends so many things, but they are not capable of much except make their girlfriends cling onto their promises like lifelines. Sigh. Please do not do this to your girlfriends, guys. And girls, you are worth so much more than that.
And so am I, which is why I have done so many things to Firhan I feel like a bully. But that is all necessary for me to see. I just wanted to see what, who, how, why he is. Mmm…that is a story for another time lest you want this post to be a gajillion pages long.
Anyway, back to the point. There was this one day where my mother told me that she agreed with Firhan. I was utterly bewildered like whut? So I asked her again if she was sure coz Firhan was unemployed. She said she likes him. Little did I know (I found out some time later) that Firhan had gone out for breakfast with my parents (oh the betrayal) and spoken to them about his intention (kind of nice though). Till today, I have absolutely no idea what was exchanged among them in detail. I guess, some things are better left unsaid.
To be honest, I have already set my mind on Firhan before they had that…discussion. Many things have contributed to my decision, and maybe I will share them with you. Maybe. But one thing I was sure of was that I did not expect things to be that simple and smooth with my parents, especially my mother. I just…asked Allah for Help, and Loan Firhan to me if he was my soulmate, and keep me and Firhan together till forever, maybe? And alhamdulillah, thus far, things are looking up. But, of course, although I wish and hope with all my heart that Firhan spends his life with me and mine with his, all these matters have never been in our hands. It has been in His and His alone. We can only plan and du’a.
What I can take away from this is that… we need to try, we need to work and at the same time, fill ourselves with tawakkul and ikhlas. Things may take time, but with those many things can happen with His Will. Even if you are unemployed.